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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Just for Smiles!

I haven't posted a joke or two in a while, and especially in these trying times we need to put a smile on our faces as hard as it is. So this is for you:


Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other
residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky
Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her,Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know-What' in his hand. 'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel, 'Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!'

The Wedding Night

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?' She replies, 'No.' Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school .'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary are up yet?' His mom says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think.' He says, 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my airplane glue.'

Hope that made you smile and made your week a little better.

6 commented:

well, that breathalyzer was unexpected to say the least

thanks for the jokes Stunner

breathalyzer was hilarious

The breathalyser was funny, but the airplane glue one had me lol-ing fer sure!