Existing?

Image: http://honolulu.hawaii.edu

Are you living? Or, are you just existing? I find myself asking these two questions lately, every day in my short life that I watch go by I find myself asking these two questions even more. The more I think about it, it;s the more I lean to saying yes to the latter. I do feel like I am just existing, not truly living. Maybe it's the unemployment getting to me, maybe I am realizing that I am getting older. I don't know, but I can help feeling that way these days. Even though still being unemployed for six months now is getting to me, that cannot be the reason for me asking myself these questions and drawing closer to the answer of just merely existing.

At the moment I find that there a few things that I do enjoy as each day passes by. Don't get me wrong, everyday I wake up and I am able to get up out that bed I am thankful! God knows I am thankful for living to see another day, especially with all these disasters and the ever increasing crime wave claiming so many lives. But I just can't shake the feeling that I am not truly living, not truly experiencing what life has to offer, the many possibilities. It seems that my days are so transient, they pass by without me really feeling like I have accomplished something meaningful, nor do I feel like I enjoyed the day. I can still count on one hand the times I have said, "today was a good day" lately.

This feeling is not just confined to my present demise, no it extends way beyond that, to I time i have no control over anymore. I look back at my life, the brief twenty-nuff and I don't feel I have lived life as much as I should have. I don't want to sound ungrateful, as I am grateful for the milestones that I have passed. However, I just feel like I have not accomplished all that I should have. I feel like I have not had as much fun as I should have. Sometimes, it seems that I have just existed for the past twenty nine years, just merely going through the motions of each passing day.

But what is it to really and truly live? I don't think I know yet, maybe this is living, maybe it's not. I don't know, as I don't feel like I have truly lived, I am still wanting, still wanting more, more accomplishments, more fun, more... more living. I have heard many people speak of the experiences in life, the many things the accomplished, the many places they have gone, the many people they have met, the many wondrous things they have seen. Yet, my perception of my life, is simply dwarfed by what I hear being related to me by these persons who seem to be living life.

I don't know if all I just typed make any sense, maybe it's just a bunch of senseless ramblings. I might see this sometime in the future and wonder what kind of crap of a post this is. But until then, I do feel like I am just existing, yet giving thanks for every day I am blessed with. Maybe it's me, maybe I am the roadblock in the way of me truly living...

Read More

Another Wonderful Trip

Once again I am sending out an "I'm still alive" post, that's what I term it due to my infrequent blogging. It seems Twitter and photography has grown so much that it seems to be crowding out blogging and suffocating my urge to blog. But it still lives one, somewhat.

Just in my previous post I am still unemployed and looking. Finding suitable employment in this hard economic time is like trying to find water in a huge desert as your thirst for life saving water grows exponentially. I am still indulging in my photography too in hopes that I will make some money from it to at least survive. that may be way off from now, but at least for now it helps me to keep my sanity in this challenging time.

Turtle Bay, Portland.

Speaking of photography, I went on one more of the monthly JWI/LOP group trip. this time we went to the easter coast of Jamaica, covering two parishes, St. Thomas and Portland. Once again it was a wonderful trip, which took me to places that I have never been before including Turtle Bay, which in my home parish, Portland. Other stops included Botany Bay, a quarry and a beach in Manchineal where we ate some curried chicken, curried lobster and fish. The fun on the trip was not limited to taking photographs of the scenery and of the beautiful models that spiced up the trip. Meeting up with people who you have become friends with through the common medium of photography and the internet and sharing experiences and jokes certainly add to the good times on these trips. The bus ride itself tends to be very interesting and amusing, to say the least! The conversation on the bust this time peaked when the original conversation morphed into man and woman story and fidelity, when the bus ignited it a combination of laughter and emotional expressions!

Two of our hot models on the trip

Of course the trip did not end without a hiccup, which happened just when we were ready to head back home from our final stop in Manchioneal Portland. One of the photographers who drove his own vehicle accidentally locked his key in his vehicle. Now locking your keys in your car in deep rural Jamaica and not having a spare on your person is not a good predicament to be in! Driving back to Kingston to get the spare key and then driving back to Manchioneal to open the vehicle is a hard reality to swallow. Also, calling wrecker to tow the vehicle back to Kingston would be a financial disaster and made breaking the side window look palatable to the mind! However, the flickr group decided to stick to the code of "never leave a soldier behind" and the decision was made to break into the vehicle, car jacker style. It took two hours and several attempts by several members of the team to get the door open. Now we all know how to break into a Prado!

I am still looking a job but also I am looking forward to the next trip. Food, rent and bills are important when spending my funds is being considered, but I still have to sacrifice some of this scarce funds for these trips. After all, it's one of the few outlets and sources of entertainment for me these days, one still has to try to enjoy life! You can view more of the photos on my flickr page http://www.flickr.com/photos/stunnerj/

Read More

Irregular Posting, But Still Around!

Basking, originally uploaded by Stunnerj. A crocodile i spotted on the bank of Black River.

I have been so busy, and somewhat uninspired to blog lately. Being unemployed gets to me sometimes, but my photography and a website I am building has been keeping me occupied. So for now blogging has been placed a bit on the back burner. However, as I said, my photography has been more constant in my life these days. A part of my photography is the monthly Jamaica West Indies Flickr/ Lovers of Photography Flickr group trips that I look forward to every month end.

The latest trip on Sunday January 31 took me to Black River, infamous for it's crocodile population. It was a fruitful trip as we spotted two crocodiles basking in the midday sun at the very beginning of the tour. At first when we saw the crocodiles basking in the same position on either of two concrete walls we thought they were fake as they both laid there motionless with mouths open. But as we got closer were were totally convinced these were the genuine article as we say their eyes move as the watched us cautiously. One finally moved a bit when the boat got closer making us know they were not comfortable with us getting so close, much to our excitement! We spotted several smaller and even larger crocodiles and various birds along the river tour. These poor creatures were subject of several camera clicks, flashes and the attention of a boat load of excited photographers.

Apart from the wildlife and fun boat ride along the Black River, I also enjoyed a wonderful photo shot with a model who one of the photographers brought along. This young lady was beautiful, great facial features, beautiful skin and a banging body! The other big plus was that she knew how to work the camera and was a natural in front of the lens. It made shooting her fun and exciting, not just for me but for the huge throng of amateur photographers present. It was like a super model surrounded by hungry paparazzi seeking the best shot! We were so serious about getting hot photos of her that we literally stopped traffic, including a huge truck, which we ended up turning into a prop for our shoot!

Traffic Blocking originally uploaded by Stunnerj. Our Model striking a pose in front of the truck we stopped!

I am still job hunting and keeping my hopes up, even though it can be depressing at times. But despite the down times, I am glad I have my hobby of photography, photographers like those in the flickr group who make these trips a success and the special persons in my life to keep me going. So have no fear Stunner is still here!!!

Read More